Fatman, Eternal

The bottom of a well, then a thousand steps past.

Anyway.

In the beginning there was…

Fatman Fatman Fatman…

I’m here!

You are.

You aren’t.

Vastness.

Everything I was.

Yes.

Vanished.

What’s left?

This?

What was. What is.

A flood. An explosion. An avalanche.

Words to describe?

Or beyond their reach?

A brown terry towel, my name in caps, CHARLES, appliquéd by my mother in scraps of yellow fabric. The kindergarten’s linoleum floor cold and hard.

Or. Darkened room. Sheets tangled. Headboard clapping against the wall. Sighs, groans, the drip of sweat, nails clawing, that emphatic whisper.

Is she here? Does this lock have a key?

The world’s miseries: ongoing, awesome, trouble around the corner, oblivion.

Doris! Doris! I cried.

Or thought. Do my thoughts travel now?

Doris!

Let me slip off your shoes, rub your poor feet. 

Was there ever a spouse more uxorious? 

Look past the beach-ball-belly gut, the sagging ass. My impressive nose pressed up against sensitive parts.

Of course we had differences of opinion.

Trivial. Cosmic.

Tomato.

Toh-ma-to. 

Beginning.

Endlessness.

Strolling the sidewalk in the twilight gloom, voyeurs upon the lives of others, peering through their windows. Squabbles, endearments, plans. Thoughts directed toward …

Disappearance? Obliteration?

I believed I was ready.

Fatman… Fatman…

I’m here! I’m here!

If our thoughts were exposed?

Chaos.

Contention.

Murder.

Fatman! Fatman!

The galaxies spin on their own. Jupiter does not need my help. We are beyond the minutes and the hours and the days.

Twilight to darkness. Swooping for bugs. Sliver of moon. Few stars bright enough to pierce the city’s lights.

If we wanted to go back … Doris wondered.

Now. Past the hospital. A street of shuttered storefronts. Taco shop. Second-hand store. Litter in the gutter. Graffiti on anything that does not move. 

Be here Now?

Thanks, Ram Das.

Yo Fatman…

One man’s hokum is another man’s…

Malarky.

Anyway. In the beginning, there were…?

Stars, oceans, creatures of the land and sea.

In the beginning, my friend….

The Word.

Where we began, so we have returned.

You are along …

…for a ride…

In return…

… Nothing.

Except universes beyond universes.

A story made from …

… nothingness.

Stop using that word.

What?

Nothing …